Sanctuary at Crowfield Farm

Drumming for Peace 2011

admin — Fri, 27 May 2011 15:36:07 +0000

Title: Drumming for Peace 2011
Location: Crowfield Sanctuary
Description: Drumming for Peace

SECOND ANNUAL BENEFIT FOR SANCTUARY
Dream it, experience it, believe it.
Join us in a prayerful expression of peace:
24 hours of drumming on the drumlin at Sanctuary.
Start Date: 2011-10-23
End Date: 2011-10-25

Raw

Steve Aman — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:08:02 +0000

I was in the vets office picking up meds for Nell when I saw them. Fiftyish, dressed kind of shabby, a bit scruffy looking. She checked in at the desk while he sat down on the bench, clutching something small wrapped in a blanket. At first I thought he might be drunk, or drugged up. I couldn’t help glancing in their direction as she sat beside him, took out a Kleenex and handed it to him. He quietly blew his nose, then wiped tears from his eyes. I realized that they had come to give the hardest act of love a pet owner can give to their four legged.

As tears welled up in my own eyes and I swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared there, I was struck by several things at once. First, I realized how quickly I still jump to judgment. This is a piece I have worked on for years, and am so aware that I have miles to go. I also realized that I am emotionally right on the edge at this point in my life.

I wanted so badly to come up with some profound words that I could say to this couple, yet I did not want to intrude on their grief and sorrow. They had each other, as was evidenced by the lady putting her head on the man’s shoulder. A door opened and they got up with their small bundle and walked through that portal into the next part of their journey.

I finished my business and got in my truck. My best friend Chris had called a few moments before, and I wanted to wait until I was out of the vets office and in my truck, sensing what was coming. I called him back, and started telling him the story of what I just witnessed as the tears and sobbing began in me. I needed to share this story with someone, and the Universe provided Chris at this moment. When I told him I didn’t know why I was reacting this way, he said: “I think you have a pretty good idea. It might have something to do with the fact that your Dad just died, and that Nell is dieing.” Of course I knew he was right. I shared that I felt like going up to that couple and giving them a hug, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Chris commented that wouldn’t it be a great world if we could see more of that.

It feels like a missed opportunity to me that I did not convey my empathy to these two grieving human beings in some way. And maybe I’m just raw from events in my life. I will offer tobacco and say a prayer for these nameless folks. And I will pray that the next time I will have the words and the courage to speak them. After all, they gave me a powerful gift.

All my relations,
Steve

Dog Medicine

Steve Aman — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 19:37:13 +0000

I have an opportunity once each week at my men’s circle to claim a “stretch”. This is simply me naming something that I will do, setting a time deadline, and usually making it a goal that feeds me in some manner. It also helps that by saying it out loud to the other men in my circle, I know that I will be held accountable.
Last Wednesday at circle I claimed the stretch to go and visit my sacred spot before next weeks circle. I’ve been feeling a bit ungrounded spiritually, and I know that my physical nature is out of balance, so this seemed like I could kill two birds with one stone.
I just got back from a visit to my SS with Nell. I woke up this morning, knowing that I would go today, but when I looked at the thermometer and it read 7 degrees, I decided to wait until after lunch and the cold had lifted a bit.
I left the snowshoes behind this time, a decision made easier knowing that we had a couple of dozen people tramping the snow down two days ago during our annual snowshoe day at Sanctuary. I also decided to take Nell with me, despite the fact that she is suffering from that tumor in her hip. I figured a bit of exercise would be good for her, and that with the packed trail, she would not have to bust through much deep snow and perhaps aggravate things.
I sat in my sacred spot, contemplating a bit about Sanctuary and sundance. Nell eagerly investigated the various smells that permeated the area, tail wagging a steady rhythm to some tune beyond my hearing. Occasionally she came over to me, insisting on a rubbing of my mittened hand on her muzzle. Tail still wagging! Off she went to sniff that track over there. Tail wagging!
It struck me how happy she is. She is dieing and still finds joy in life. I love the teachings of the elders, and was reminded of the one which says that we are all teachers for each other. One of my teachers also says that humans are the only animals that do not remember their original instructions from the beginning of time to be joyful. Nell has been a good mentor for me, teaching me the art of being joyful and alive. She demonstrates over and over again what it means to be living in the moment. It is good dog medicine. Nyaweh for the gifts, my friend! Today I am more joyful.

All my relations,
Steve

The Invitation

Steve Aman — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:43:35 +0000

We held our 5th Annual Sanctuary Snowshoe Day yesterday, had a great turnout of about 22 folks of all ages. These events are amazing opportunities to form community for a weekend, a day or even a few hours like yesterday.
Our good friends, Chris and Sharon, are hosting a young Indonesian exchange student this school year. Angie has been a guest in our home a number of times, and she always brings a special energy with her. She had never seen snow before this year, and she is certainly getting an eyeful! She is game to try many new things, and yesterday was snowshoeing with us Sanctuarians.
A few of us sat around the dinner table while Mary served up fresh homemade pizza last night. As is our custom, we tend to invite someone who doesn’t live under our roof to say a blessing. I got a pretty clear hit to invite Angie to give that blessing last night. At first, she was very hesitant, shaking her head. Then, Chris invited her to share something from the Koran with us, and she said “is that okay?”. We enthusiastically encouraged her and the look of joy on her face was astounding! I don’t know what she said, as she spoke it and prayed in her native tongue. I know in my heart that it was a blessing indeed, fore all I needed to do was to see the bliss on her face. It was brief, a short acknowledgement of Spirit, and a great piece to add to the richness of the day. Nyaweh, Grandfather, for the gift of diversity.

All my relations,
Steve

The News

Steve Aman — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 23:27:06 +0000

She started limping two months back. Three visits to our regular vet yielded no definitive diagnosis. We were now faced with the decision of whether to spend a bunch of money to take Nell to a specialist and have another series of xrays and perhaps an MRI. We decided that the need to know outweighed all of the old paradigms of not spending that kind of money on a pet.

Certainly I was brought up in a household (a farm family) where dogs got minimal vet visits, and never an expensive one. It was more expedient and economical to put the dog down, rather than to spend money that might help one of my siblings or myself go to college or to put food on the table. And, because I have lived a life of a large degree of frugality, it was hard to cross that line into the extravagance of lavishing large sums on a dog. But this was not just any dog.

Nell came to us a bit over six years ago as a 10 week old yellow lab puppy. We’d decided that we were at the end of a long series of dogs in our lives after the previous Husky/Shepard mix, Sheba, lived a long life, but left us miserable when she died. But six months without a dog found us looking at the ads for a lab puppy, a breed we’d never had in our household, and one we wanted to experience. If anyone had warned us of the dozens of gloves, shoes and various other loose objects that would become joyful fodder for those puppy teeth, we may have decided differently. Thank Creator that no one gave us that warning.

Yesterday I took Nell to Veterinary Specialists of Rochester for further xrays of her spine, and if necessary (it was), an MRI of her back end. The news was not pretty. Nell has a cancerous mass in her pelvis, untreatable. After Mary and I dried each others tears, we picked Nell up last night and began the process of enjoying what days we have left with her, of making her comfortable, of continuing to connect with a spirit that Creator has blessed and honored us with having as such an important part of our lives. Truly, this dog is gorgeous physically. Folks who are fortunate to know Nell also know that her spirit and personality are even more attractive.

I just came in from an hour and a half out sitting in my tree stand, looking to see if there were any deer out there. It really hit home for me that I didn’t know if I could shoot a deer if one presented itself to me with all that has occurred in the last 24 hours. As I climbed into my tree stand, I lifted up an old blanket that was on the floor, one that I keep there for really chilly days to wrap up in. I was greeted by three field mice looking rather dismayed as they scurried off in different directions, one up my arm, one up onto the inside corner of the roof. I settled myself into the seat of the tree stand after a few moments, and that lone mouse clinging to the ceiling kept staring at me with those big mouse eyes, a slight shake to his body. I kept thinking of Nell, and several times I held my hand out to Mr. Mouse. I figured he had to be getting tired clinging there sideways on this wall. Finally he accepted my offer of a hand, and promptly jumped from my hand to the floor and disappeared. I enjoyed my quiet time remaining in the stand, not bothered by any passing deer, only the crows and geese flying over, the seasons first snow slowly melting into the earth, and left to feel my feelings in a place of connection with All of Creation.

The news isn’t all bad. We made the right decision in getting Nell diagnosed. We have some time left on this journey with her, we just don’t know how much time. And we have been given a special gift that only comes along once or twice in a lifetime, the gift of connecting with a Spirit so special as to affect me to the center of my being. Nyaweh for the gifts, Creator!

All my relations,
Steve

Bee Medicine

Steve Aman — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 19:31:46 +0000

I love the teachings around each of our relations, the wind, crickets, salamanders, oak trees, brother sun, star nations…. each of them carrying their own special, unique medicine, or power. And of course, this includes the bees.

My wife, Mary, got into keeping bees last year. After a steep learning curve, she just extracted her first gallon and a half of wonderful, from this land honey. It is amazing for me to watch this woman, who for many years was deathly afraid of bees, climb into her suit and become centered while tending these tiny creatures of the air, sun and flowers. It’s almost a contradiction in terms of the medicine of bees: people see the business of bees, and it is an oft used saying in this part of the country: “busy as bees”. Though these tiny winged ones are out gathering, collecting, keeping the hive cool, protecting and doing all the many busy things that bees do, when Mary connects with them, it seems that both she and the bees move into a different energy.

Earlier this year, when Mary was performing some task or other on the hive, she tended to her business and then came up to me and asked me to see if there were bees on her back. Indeed, exactly in the center of Mary’s back was a cluster of about fifty bees in a perfect circle, slowly walking around, seemingly peaceful and somehow, at one with this human being. She asked me to gently brush them off, and I insistently reminded her that I had no bee suit on! We walked over near the hive and there I carefully brushed them off with a brush resembling a snow brush, but with softer bristles, that is made for that purpose. Not a sting, and not even a bee with ruffled feathers (if bees had feathers!).

I find myself at a stage of life where I have discovered the beauty of giving to others, but the balance is out of kilter. I find I have too little “un-booked” time, too many commitments. I love the medicine of the bee, but I think I need to investigate the medicine of the bear a bit more (introspection, slowing down, power). Or perhaps turtle medicine is what will bring me into that balance that I seek. For the moment, I will take the lessons of the bee and give thanksgiving for what it has brought into my life. After all, each relation has gifts to bring to the table.

All my relations,

Steve

Joy on Wings

Steve Aman — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:28:05 +0000

In Native American philosophy and teachings, everything has “medicine”, or a special kind of power. The maple trees, the milkweed, the weasel, the deer, each individual human being, the wind….
Medicine is the unique energy, power or gifts that Creator gave to each family of animals and plants, each species of tree, all of our relatives. And each of us human beings have our own special medicine as well. Some of us are great nurturers, some are wise elders. There are men who walk this earth with a great sense of how things grow, and women who have healing touch. This is all medicine.
The hummingbird is said to carry the medicine of joy. Hmmm. I can see it if I look for it, but it’s interesting to me to watch these tiny creatures darting about, gorging themselves on sweet nectar from blooming flowers and especially from the myriad feeders that hold sugar water, hanging about our deck and yard.
I was sitting in the hot tub this evening, nursing a sore back, enjoying the cooler temperatures and steady, brisk breeze. It seems as though as the day grows long, these tiny winged ones pick up the pace a bit and dart about at an even faster speed. There were at least four or five hummers buzzing about the feeder which hangs only a few feet above and over from the hot tub. These guys are so aggressive! Maybe it is the speed with which they can fly, or their uncanny ability to hover, back up, move sideways, up and down. They sure don’t like any other hummer coming near “their” feeder when they are pulling up that sweet meal through their long snout. Like two fighter pilots intent on shooting each other down, they zip off, seemingly in a dozen directions at once. I never see them hurt one another, but aggressive and I think a little grumpy they are! Perhaps the medicine of joy is simply in their showing off for us humans lucky enough to have them around.
All my relations, Steve

Fellow Travelers

Steve Aman — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 16:09:17 +0000

I finally got the kayak out on the water. I am blessed to have several choices to paddle on, and this morning I headed out to a place called Wide Waters on the Erie Canal, about a ten minute drive from my home. This is the first weekend in quite some time that we did not have some planned activity taking place, and I was relishing the thought of getting out on the water.

I could feel my pulse and my thoughts slowing down with each passing moment on the canal. That centered, peaceful feeling is one I know well, and one that I always look forward to. Like many folks, I have a special bond, a connection with the water, and when I allow myself time to make that connection, the rewards are always bountiful.

I keep my kayak behind the garage, and I am always careful when I first pick it up to make sure I have no unwanted hitchhikers, such as a snake or a wasp nest. Seemed the coast was clear today. After that first ten minutes of paddling, though, I noticed a snail moving slowly around the front of the kayak. I watched him moving patiently along, not leaving the slimy trail of his cousin, the slug. He carried his home on his back, and seemed purposeful about his movement. Five minutes later he disappeared around the arc of the hull.

It got me thinking about the various relations that I could spot and identify on my glide along the canal. Now, I am a Christmas tree grower and a small time nurseryman, but I could write a book on the various trees and shrubs that I cannot identify by name. I decided to enlist my awareness and see how many different plants and animals I could actually put a name to during my time on the water.

Immediately, a kingfisher flew across the canal in front of me, quickly followed by a number of swallows. Looking higher, I spotted a sea gull. I know, there are many kinds of gulls. To me, they are all sea gulls!

I saw black locust and black walnuts, multiflora roses and sumac. There were striped maples and red maples, red osier dogwoods and goldenrod. I was just wondering why in this water rich environment I hadn’t seen any willows, when a giant black willow appeared in front of me, crown half dead, a certain majesty in it’s life journey, half dead, half alive, and both halves no doubt fulfilling need, providing oxygen, food and shelter. I saw several “sundance” trees, also known as poplars or cottonwoods. A flock of mallards swimming along the edge Mom and 8 or 9 mostly grown kids.

Wild grape vines proliferated the south side, and bull rushes on the north. I saw purple loosestrife and mallow.

Some time ago, when I was taking a naturalist training course with one of my mentors, Jon Young, I learned to give names to plants that I did not know the recognized name of. Near some loosestrife was a large plant resembling a milkweed in some ways, but with a much larger blossom, pink, about 8 inches across and the plant was about four feet tall. To me, now, it will always be known as “Pink Fuzzy Erie Flower”.

I almost didn’t go out. The thunderbeings were very present. I’m glad I took the risk. I got to spend some time with some relations on this journey, some of my fellow travelers, each fulfilling it’s original instructions from the beginning of time.

All my relations,
Steve

What I Believe

Steve Aman — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 20:20:41 +0000

I am taking a short-cut on this particular blog. Below is a list of my own personal beliefs that I wrote down several years ago. Perhaps you will agree with some of them.
All my relations,
Steve

• that we are at our most righteous when we people put our minds and emotions in harmony with the flow of the universe
• creation is intended for the benefit of all equally
• that the world does not belong to humans
• counseling about differences is good
• we should speak our truth rather than remain silent
• that peace will flourish best in a garden amply fertilized with absolute justice
• when injustice occurs, it the moral duty of our society to defend the oppressed against their oppressors
• no one has the right to deprive another of the fruits of his own labor
• no one has a right to a greater share of the wealth of society than any one else
• universal justice is the product of a spiritually strong society
• it is the duty of all human beings to respect not only human rights but the rights of all beings in Creation
• this generation should always consider the next seven generations when making decisions
• we should develop ways of living that prove to be non-destructive, healthy for people and integral with nature
• that all living things have Spirit
• we therefore should respect and be thankful to all living things
• the natural world is a kind of built-in contradiction to expansion
• all the things that support life… the air, the waters, the trees, etc…. these things must be supported as important parts of the web of life
• technology has been the most amazingly destructive force in all of human history
• the way of life known as Western civilization is on a death path on which that culture has no viable answers
• there are few who are willing to seek out a method for moving toward any real change
• if there is to be a future for all beings on this planet, we must begin to seek the avenues of change
• that everything we need is provided for us and all we have to do is to give thanksgiving
• when I love myself and accept myself, even though I don’t necessarily understand myself, I give myself a tremendous gift
• when I love you and accept you, even though I don’t understand you, I open the door to tremendous possibilities
• elders are a gift not to be ignored or taken for granted
• when I am ready, the teacher will indeed appear
• meditation, introspection are absolutely essential
• alone time is important
• being part of community is important
• discovering my gifts and acting on good use of them is essential to fulfilling my original instructions for being here
• we are all given original instructions from the beginning of time
• I am my own harshest judge
• that exercising courage when facing fear makes me more courageous
• feelings, all feelings, are a gift from Creator
• there is a Spirit that moves in all things
• balance is the key
• children are a gift, and our future
• there are many paths to enlightenment
• love is the most powerful emotion
• whenever I give anything away, I become enriched
• connection to the land is a good thing, and is being lost in our society
• working with the land, or with any of natural creation is a blessing and a grounding activity
• water is an important ‘medicine’, the most important
• when we as a society mistreat ‘our relations’, we tend to carry similar treatment to people
• mentoring is a two way gift
• I must become the change that I want to see
• when I judge, I deny myself and others
• being aware of this moment is truly being aware

The Way Things Go

Steve Aman — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:17:42 +0000

Five weeks ago as I was mowing the field behind our house, the engine seized up on my farm tractor. Now, this is not a hobby tool, but rather, one on which I rely very heavily for a multitude of tasks on my Christmas tree farms, as well as around the grounds at Sanctuary. I found myself with an opportunity to form an attitude around this scenario, and I am discovering that the tools that I have acquired over the last couple of decades in AA, LifeStream, MKP and elsewhere have stood me well. One step at a time.

Since I could not do any tractor work, I finally pressure washed the house, a chore I had been avoiding, and one which Mary has been urging for years. Hey, as long as I was at it, I might as well pressure wash the deck. And put preservative on it too! Lookin’ good!

My vegetable garden has never seen so many weeds with the root side up. Yep, more time off the tractor gave me more time in the garden. Those pig weeds didn’t stand a chance. And I put in more rotations of veggies than I can recall!

Sundance arrived two weeks ago, and the grounds were groomed (the riding lawn mower is still functioning!) and ready for bare feet, song and prayer. Two hundred people on the hill, started cool, ended blazing hot, just like the weather man predicted. Since when did he get so accurate?

The crowd is gone, the grounds are cleaned up and looking beautiful, now it’s time to catch up on the jungle that has grown in the plantations. I have my tractor back, engine rebuilt, and my young crew is trimming trees as I stay ahead of them, clearing a path, making it look once again like there is some order to the fields. I take it one row at a time, swarms of insects, too many species to name, getting stirred up by the tractor and mower, hitting me in the face, neck, arms. The swallows love it: meal time, and the menu is varied. I saw two new birds today. Too tired to look them up just now.

The attitude of trust serves me well. I know that it will all get done. I am blessed with patience and a positive attitude. First things first. Keep it simple. Go left foot right foot.

All my relations, Steve